Something That Makes Me Feel Better

Do you guys remember my brief, brief mention of my tendency (ability) to see dancing colours when I listen to music? And my thinking that I may have Asperger's Syndrome? Well listen (you know what I mean) to this....

I am reading a book (more like three...) called The Last Days. It is by Scott Westerfield but that is, at the moment, unimportant. I can give you a book review later. What I am literally bursting to tell you is this: I am about page 168. I am really eating this book up, but I am trying to pace myself. I am always kind of sad when I finish a book...especially one that I do not own but I DIGRESS!!! There are two people (girls at that!) that I identify closely, almost painfully, with.

Pearl: She is rich but that does not matter either. What matters about her is that she has a way of listening to a song (or random string of music) and take it apart in her head. She can find places where things can be added, fixed, rearranged, or dropped all together. She can make a song sound whole. Not trying to brag, but I am like that. In band class...when we play a piece of music I am constantly thinking about notes that the composers seemed to have placed in the piece on a whim...notes that just clutter up the sound. I become aware of notes that seem to be missing. Rhythms that would do better in other places. Don't get me wrong, I usually love the songs, but they could be so much better...they could be whole. There have been three songs in the course of my 4 years at this school that I have listened to as we played and though "This...is perfect". Each occasion brought tears to my eyes and forced me to fake a coughing spasm to leave for a moment.
Another thing that about her that I can I identify with is her uncanny knack for playing instruments. Pearl can play virtually every instrument that she gets her hands on. With the exception of tuba and piccolo, so can I. She also has perfect pitch which is a talent of mine that I (think I) have mentioned here before. It is the entire reason I survived band for so long without learning to read music and rhythms. I can play by ear. So can she. Pretty Freaking Cool.

Now on to the other girl. She is, by far, the easiest of the 5 character for me to understand. Her name is Alana Ray (one word even though it's two). She is twitchy (fidgety) like me. She has an "odd" sense of humor that I understand and love. The other characters do not really get her jokes. I "get" her more than the other characters...much more. She is like an older, more mature version of me. Her age is not specified (thus far in the book) but I know that she is older than the other characters and they are my age.
Anyway, Alana Ray is similar to me in ways that no living person or fictional character (that I have read of) has ever been. She has a great sense of timing and rhythm for music. So do I. I never count beats and measures...I just "know" when to play. I can feel it. She used to see things in pieces (before she was medicated) like I do. Do you recall my "tree" example about two posts back? Yes, she used to see things like that and I am thrilled. During a "jam session" of sorts she is suddenly afraid that she has missed a day with her pills because she was seeing "...something that I'd almost forgotten...what music looked like.".

She could see every one's (each individual band member's) music around them. "This is the way I'd been born to see music, before the doctors had taught me to separate my senses, to grab objects and faces and hold them in place." Like me with my face blindness. Can you say "Holy Crap-o-la"? The entire time I was reading her point of view in the story I was thinking "Oh my God...she sounds like me. She thinks and sees the way that I do. And from the way that she watched the people earlier in the book and described how she liked to see people when they didn't see her...she even feels the way that I do! Whatever she needs the pills for...I may seriously need to add to my "list of considerations".

Okay, back to the story. Alana Ray looks at the singer's music and promptly spazzes out. Her music, while beautiful to the ears, was exceptionally frightening to the eyes. Lik with me...how I shy away from auditorically (is that a word??) beautiful but aesthetically terrifying songs. Holy crap. I love this girl!! She makes me feel normal...she makes me feel sane. Anyway, Minerva (scary singer girl) notices A. R. noticing her sound and abruptly stops singing. "You can smell it too, can't you", she whispers. "No...not smell. But sometimes I see things that I shouldn't", she replies. Then she does some nervous fidgety things and echo's an overly rehearsed response of "I have a neurological condition that may cause compulsive behavior, loss of motor control, or hallucinations." Oh my God. Ummm...hey, other than "loss of motor control" (unless that includes clumsiness and my random twitching and that being able to see music does not, in fact, count as a hallucination) that sounds an awful lot like...you guessed it, me.

And what effectively "sealed the deal", you ask? Two things. Minerva's final comment on the subject and Pearls later investigation. Minerva smiled (sneered) and said "Spasticus...autisticus"(loose Latin....Autistic Spaz) to which Alana Ray nodded and thought "That was more or less me." And days later Pearl consulted google and found Asperger's Syndrome to be fitting as an explanation for everything but her hallucinations. Once more for emphasis. Once more..with FEELING. Ho-ly....crap.