The Plan

I have been thinking (when am I not?) about trying the Nurtured Heart approach on my sister. We will call her Kid Explosion as I have yet to ask her permission on the matter of disclosing her name on my public blog. I heard (read) about it (Nurtured Heart) via Kyra's (Mrs. Anderson's?) blog, This Mom. It seems to be working for her son Fluffy (an, in my opinion, adequate pseudonym for him due to the fluffy appearance of his hair -but that is NOT where the idea originated-). Fluffy has Asperger's Syndrome you see. Well, though my sister and I are quite opposite to the point that I often abhor her presence, we share a lot of striking similarities. This could be my fault however as I have been the main person that she spends her time with for the past five years....but I digress. My shrink thinks that I have AS and I, more or less, agree with her. Kid Explosion also seems to have an alarming number of traits. (I realize that I am straying from my original topic but rest assured that I will recapture my train of thought shortly) She has never been very good with other kids, though not for lack of trying. She had a speech delay...or something (I know I know! There is no speech delay with AS). She started to talk to us at around 10 months and then, quite suddenly, stopped until she was nearly three. I have (well I had...) many pictures of her lining up batteries, books, and shoes (when my hard drive died last year I lost everything...).

When she again began talking she had suddenly acquired a rather expansive vocabulary...and an interest in the human brain. We (my mother and I) found this out on a routine excursion to the hospital (check-ups). Kid Explosion noticed that there was a rather large illustration of the brain and proceeded to tell our doctor all about "Oh LOOK! A brain! And the 'badula alongotta'!!! Isn't it pretty??". Up until that point I was the only to whom our doctor would joking say "They have medication for that you know...".
The Kid Who Often Explodes has ALWAYS walked on her toes. She is actually starting to get pains from it and they are looking a bit odd... We don't know why. It just happened. As soon a she became bipedal, she ran about on her toes. Apparently this is common in the Autistic Spectrum?
She does not have sensory issues as I do. I am hyper everything. She, on the other hand, is hypo everything. Her hearing has been tested at least thrice. It is fine. And yet...she feels the need to watch TV with the volume at a brain liquefying level of 64 (because it will not go any louder). She CONSTANTLY wants to be touched, poked, and prodded unlike I who would gladly defenestrate you with the greatest rapidity for attempting such a thing.
I stop here with my description. Maybe I will try again in more detail another day. Devote a blog entirely to my observations of her thus far? Maybe.


Back to Nurtured Heart. It seems to work with "difficult" children. Well....Kid Explosion is definitely that. As was I. I was merely a quiet kind of difficult. You see, my sister is always in trouble. Nothing works with her. My mom is always yelling at her (and I must admit that I am as well....I cannot stand her most days). She is not by any means a bad kid. She is just very, very difficult to tolerate. Telling my sister to stop doing (anything) is a lot like telling a cloud to stop floating (bad example but I shall stand by it). It does not work. Saying no does not work. Explaining why she cannot do or have something does not work. Time out makes it worse because she screams the whole time about how everyone hates her and just causes everyone involved to be upset. Spanking does not work (but, other than myself, I have never really seen how it works on anyone else). Yelling will cause her to run from the room....only to return 90 seconds later (we have timed her) and request the same thing...and then the process repeats.

So, I figure since consequences are completely useless...why not try something else before it's too late (and she grows up resentful of all the yelling and punishing and...us). I am supposed to only give attention to the positive behavior which makes sense. Instead of expending so much energy explain why she shouldn't do that and how we just told her to do this and "why did you do that to the baby?!" we (I...) will only comment on the POSITIVE things that she does. Which makes sense (yes, I've repeated myself). Surly she will notice that. That instead of getting yelled at about stuff she will instead receive gushing praise about all of the wonderful things that she does.

We never stop to thank her during these times. We are always so relieved that she is just...behaving that we don't bother her with it. We don't want to jinx it. But I think we really SHOULD be telling her these things. How nicely she plays with the baby, what a good job she does brushing her teeth and cleaning her room and so many other things that we take for granted. I mean...who wouldn't rather have someone point out the good things that they do rather than dwell on the bad? I can remember an argument that I had with my mother when I was around 13. She was screaming about the bathroom or something and I yelled back "Why do you only notice me when I've done something WRONG?! You never say ANYTHING when I do something RIGHT!". Her response was "Why should I? You are my child and you are living her for FREE. You SHOULD help out.". I think she missed my point. I think she misses a lot of my points...but I digress. What I am saying is that it makes you feel AWFUL when people only give attention to your flaws. Right? So let's try a better approach. I plan to check the library for All Children Flourishing after school (I type to you in business tech).